Aubrey. 18. Pennsylvania. Education Major [+] music. disney. drawing. sleeping. marching band. cartoons, records. kissing. soft things. fireworks. cuddling. poetry. giraffes. computer games. cats. nintendo, broadway. pizza. meaningful conversation. singing. painting. eating. photography. writing. pokemon. cheesecake. movies. coloring. travelling. instruments. street lights. adventures. fruit, drums. tater tots. cats. tuba. graffiti. symphonies. musicals. cats. loud music. candles. stickers. and more.
Will I ever be someone’s first anything? No. I will always be second.
Will I ever get a boy to notice me? No. They notice my friends first.
Will I ever spend my summer like a normal teenager? No. When I’m alone I want people… When I’m with people I want to be alone.
I feel like all of my friends are better without me. I feel like they’d rather be without me. They always have a “better” friend than me. I can’t wait for college to get out of here and do everyone a favor. Finally after so fucking damn long I started talking to a boy and I though “Wow.. This could be different..” No. Of course not. I feel so damaged. Like no guy will ever like me when they meet me. They’ll look at me and say I’m fucked up, fat, ugly..I feel like they are always talking to multiple people at the same time. It’s never just me… Never good enough. First night in along time I thought in deserved to hurt myself. I want to be alone but I just can’t anymore. What is wrong with me?! Why am I shit.
I hope you all don’t hate me for posting this. I’m sorry. I don’t have anywhere else to post this or write this. I feel like I have nobody to go to and I’m sorry. I get everyone on the internet sees this but I’d rather them read this than me tell people directly. It’s less painful. 😔